A Toast!

About time I answer this:)

2009-09-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Damn my dark circles..i need to lighten up.

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
$20

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
Roar

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
My beloved sister apurva

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
Requeim for a dream

6. What are you wearing right now?
Adidas running pants and a horizontally striped old navy tee-shirt

7. Do you label yourself?
No. I doubt myself yes. But in conclusion to it i find no adjectives or brands :)

8. Name the brand of the shoes you currently own?
Reebok, Steve Madden, DSW a few, square one some more, and fashion street- Im proud of these the most.

9.Bright or Dark Room?
Always BRIGHT. When it gets dark i HAVE to sleep:P just the way i am.

10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Someone with whom my emotions show no boundaries.

11. What does your watch look like?
Tommy Hilfiger, My father gifted it to me before i came to the USA

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Missing family and talking to my mom n dad. Listening to my nephew rut out new words in a language we call "MaKonk"

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
My cousin asking me to live with her and promising no parties but a lot of "Roti, Kapda, Makan". Yeah im going thru a hard time!

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
Blah. Yeah yeah its a word!

15. Who told you he/she loved you last?(please exclude spouse , family, children)
Mom.It was a shocker as she is very inexpressive with such stuff. And then people ask me why im such an unromantic person! Blah!

16. Last furry thing you touched?
My penguin.

17. Favorite age you have been so far?
24.I met friends , foes,humans, masked humans and angels.

18. What was the last thing you said to someone?
Ill take a while in the bathroom. You go ahead.

19.The last song you listened to?
Carnival of rust-Poets of the fall.

20. Where did you live in 1987?
Margao, GOA.

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
Yes . Truly innocent people. Very few. Yet true.

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
I wouldn care. Hence i wouldn know.

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
My creative player, wallet and house keys.

24. What’s your favorite town/city?
Goa, Boston, Cairo, Washington DC.

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
To my cousin in Boston. I wrote it and left it on the bedside table. Dint mail it. Cos she was rite there:)

26. Can you change the oil in a car?
yes.

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
In school. No clue, never spoke with him. I just liked the way he looked:)

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
Edgy cushion.Im too lazy to push it away. I think i shuld. oh oh..and my spot pain in the back. Its killling me!!

29.What is your current desktop picture?
Friends laptop- some buildings , concrete miracle perhaps?!
My own - Zehaan's picture.

30. Have you been burnt by love?
Yes.Everyone should be once. Else u will never know wat it is.

No person is important enough to make me angry:)

2009-08-27T23:31:00.001-07:00

A few new observations:

1. Im a misanthrope( proudly baptised at a pizza place)
2. Things that hurt are replaceable. Humans, sharp edges or objects and bad music.
3. My favorite line: Liar lawyer, Mirror Show me whats the difference
4. When in Rome do the Romans..and that goes to almost all countries with a good looking population!
5.Ive lived with a liar..ive known a lawyer. Mirror cracked
6.Robert frost is responsible for giving me a new sight.
7. I closed a chapter of my life a few hours ago. I am contemplating keeping or tearing the pages.
8. Human brain is the root of all evil. Not money. Money is a free radical. When given to humans..the result is disastrous.
9. U never know a good person , until a bad one stabs you deep.
10.Trust is futile. I stick with that belief.
11.Why do people have to relate courage to "having balls". why cant it be related to "having a vag"?
12.No job. Still doing something i love and enjoy. I call it F-un-employment.
13. An American freaks.
14.Words mean nothing if not said. Insults mean homicide when written. Rising above it all is an illusion. I want to live in it.
15. I hate you. I will always hate you. Cos i loved u . You deserve to be hated. I decide it.
16. Only humans find comfort in other humans.
17. Ticks and leeches
18. I was attached to the minions of the devil..i broke one more thread.

Red Colored Wall..

2009-08-27T23:30:00.001-07:00

brain splashed on the wall...

present influences the future
spirit trapped in darkness
mind free to damage soul
confused thoughts cos a roar
feeding on emotions and pain
humans seem to loose shame
torn apart in to bits and pieces
burning in my own flames
society looks and laughs
humans are maggots feeding on the innocence
brain still splashed on the wall...

Lost the shame
eyes welled with tears
fake exterior shine
rusted inside
pain reveals, blood spills
infected even now,this disease kills
inner self in a body of lies
ornaments to fool the world
reality i see, again and again and again...

Fluttering bird..

2009-06-25T00:29:00.000-07:00

So im awake ..its 4.05am this side of the globe.Frustrated with no job. With my headphones cozy in my ears I was listening to an awesome song, and my feet started tapping. I realised i couldn dance in the house, so decided to get some fresh air and moved towards the emergency exit. It was drizzling..my feet were still tapping. I gave in. I started dancing in the rain. In the exit. That at 3.15 am. Figured space wasnt enuf. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind. I closed the window, grabbed my slippers and ran down to the street. A look left..a look right. Noone was there. The music was rising, the beats were groovy. Viola..i started dancing on the street. i did a street dance at 3.20 am on a thu morning!!!In the rain. I felt great. I felt i was doing something i loved. Dance. I felt free. I felt no stopping. I felt an urge to drown myself in the music..feel the beat..feel the heat of music. And i did so till i was drenched wet. A blissful feeling.A feeling of being free from within. It felt wonderful. So much so 2 white guys passing by couldn help but notice. They joined me in. They couldn hear the music. But they still danced. I taught em bhangra:)

Why do we stop ourselves so many times from doing something innocent, something we wuld do as a kid?? Frequent ans...
1. Are u crazy??
2.Its too embarassing
3. What will people say?
4. I dont want to be tagged insane
5.I cant dance/sing/ do watever it is which could prove the above 4 things i just mentioned...and many more.

As a kid..did u think all these things? Dint u let urself just do wat ur heart told u to? even if afterward u were grounded or had to have to sacrifice Tv or playing with ur frens or even worse ur fav dessert?? Well then why the chains now?
Who cares what people say? Are u going to see em again..even if u do..so wat?
Take a break...stop being so 'adulty' unnecessarily..get the kid within outside.. let him/her play in the rain or mud. Let her cycle around the whole city singing "country roads'. Play hide and seek with ur frens and count unfairly till 10! Set firecrackers behind someone! Sing(Kids wuld cry) in between a stage concert loudly! Sing in a public restroom while ur in there..(now thats not kiddy..its just crazy..but worth a few laughs)..so do it!!!

Every week/every month do something crazy..just so u remember..life is short ..live it like ul never live it again!so wats the fear? other people..well they do it too!!!u just dont know yet!!

P.S. Do something hilarious/ crazy/ adorable/cool/chill...not yuck and gross..This note is for all the ppl being influenced by this blog:P well im:D

CHeers!!

Opinion time...

2009-06-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

I am on a condemning phase. Heard of that one before? probably not. Probably yes. So i condemned hugo boss of late. Why? I read/ researched through sources that were accessible by me that they made clothes for the NAZI's during WW II. Not alone that..they used slaves( all ages) to make those clothes and once the purpose was solved they were sent to the ovens to bake.Sounds crude. This is wat exactly was read. Now its obvious that why alone Hugo Boss then? Why not IBM? Why not BMW? Why not this why not that? Simple reason. I cant condemn everything. I will condemn things i can do without and can afford, well if not rite now..later..oh pls..everyone can afford hugo boss..if not the original then the one we get at chor bazaar. My simple Strategy..every drop makes an ocean. True i wont be able to stop any of these firms to having awesome sales. But thats not my aim. My question is why dint hugo boss own up to it? Why did they keep saying, we need to check manuscripts and be diplomatic? Wat would go so hellfully wrong if they said yes. Business perspective, i think if they had accepted it probably things would be different. Like say people would have appreciated the gesture and their sales probably would have boomed more. I dont know. My thoughts are not as gathered right now. All i know is KNOWINGLY i dont want to be spraying perfume from a bottle that had a bloody history or gifting someone a menswear that is filled with tears, sweat and blood of someone else.(Sweatshops of today?) Its a painful thing to say..or do in my case. If people can be vegetarians cos of the things animals go thru, or support PETA by rallying around naked..im allowed to condemn Hugo Boss for now m i not? Irrational as it mite be, inexplicable as it might be..or just as ridiculous as it can be..thats wat an opinion is:)

take care

P.S I have a lot of loopholes in this blog. I can be condemned for having so many of them!I will cover them up eventually.

A Carnival..

2009-06-24T10:41:00.000-07:00

Verses of a song..that are .lets just say i like em..

To breathe the name
Of your saviour
In your hour of need
And taste the blame,
If the flavour should remind you of greed
Of implication, insinuation and you will
Till you cannot lie still
In all this turmoil
Before red cave and foil
Come closing in for a kill

It's all a game
Avoiding failure
When true colours will bleed
All in the name of misbehaviour
And the things we don't need

I lost for after no disaster can touch,
Touch us anymore
And more than ever
I hope to never fall,
Where enough is not the same it was before

Cheers!

If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

2009-06-21T22:45:00.000-07:00

Its good to be back after so long..the last few months of my life have been eventful…with changes, eye openers and much more. Couple of things I try to do.. I try not to judge just like other people..but I do so after I have already judged. However hard u try..u cant fight a natural ( I might dare to say) human characteristic behaviour. I wouldn know if animals judge animals..but again that needs the power to think and blessedly enuf we have it.

Couple more things I have learnt…

1.Trust is futile

2.Appreciate people who make efforts to make things work..wether it be cars, mixers, watches or relationships.

3.Reason why? Cos if they dint care they wuldn even make efforts.

4.Everything doesn’t happen my way. Nothing happens my way. That doesn’t mean it’s a wrong way or a unhappier way.

5.I have stopped waiting for happiness to come to me.. im the new columbus.

6.Don’t rush in to being angry. Think. Once, twice, thrice..then walk out of the room. Breathe fresh air. Gain a perspective. Come back. Punch hard…:)

7.Point 6 is a perspective.

8.Lead ur life. Its YOURS. That’s the key.

9.Don’t change other people or their lives. If u relate welcome them in to urs. If u don’t..there is no need to curse.

10. What goes around comes around. I used to bite my sister as a kid. My best freind bites me now. Voluntarily.

11.I don’t understand physical pain and mental pain. To me ur fucked up neways. See the BIGGER picture.

12. I cant spell friend. I can be one. Im using “check spelling grammar in word”.

13.You are ur own critic. If someone else is criticising u ur making progress.

14.Vanity or narcissim is fine. If u don’t love urself noone else can love u.

15.Love is like a pitfull of stones, bricks, sharp weapons, barbed wires. So don’t complain when u fall in love. U WILL be hurt.

16. Don’t make sex a social issue. By prefixing premarital or post marital to it don’t place pressure. Instead concentrate on hunger and poverty elimination.

17.Emotions are overrated. Agreed. But doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Learn to respect others emotions. Else when u cry u will cry alone.

18.I don’t want to hate someone. But if u can love ppl why is hate such a big deal?

19.Everyone wears a mask. Its ridiculous. Not wrong.

20. If it makes someone happy choose diplomacy. Its almost the same as lies. Except it’s a more sophisticated word and the government loves itJ

21. We OWN the government. We need to interfere. WE chose it. Don’t forget that.

22.My final and favourite take on terrorism. End it with peace. Make marjuna bombs. Drop them on the world. When everyones high , take an army of sane people and rob all the weapons, bombs and anything associated to killing/ death…go to the moon.Drop it all off in to the universe , it will go somewhere in the blackness.

23.Learn to listen when someone talks. Don’t interrupt. If u listen it gives u enuf time to process and that in turn makes u a ready wise ass.

24. A man cannot be stripped off his inner freedom, his choice of way or his attitude - even in the worst of circumstances. No excuses.

25. Im GOOGLE dependent. So much so that the other day I couldn find my phone. I tried to locate it using google..i realised eventually :D

That is for now. Ive been having a lot of things to write about...and il be back...

Cheers !

Its french...

2009-02-17T16:08:00.000-08:00

So today i celebrated french day in the kitchen. Had french roast and french toast. It was filling. i am not particulary fussy. Couple of eggs in the fridge and a cup of milk were the healthiest groceries in there. A day old bread was ready to be dipped. It is a fine day...i suddenly feel the urge to learn french. It would go perfect. But i realise its investment and effort. so i decide to have more indian days in the kitchen.I wonder what people in japan are doing right now....

1 Million random things about me...

2009-02-16T23:59:00.000-08:00

Im goan and im proud to be susegaad!
Boston makes me snore
i have ADD
my first love brad pitt
im still alive
i correct grammatical errors in conversations
im not ross
i crack awkward jokes, im pathetic with advice
i dance like there is no tommorow
i dream thru my dance
i express thru my dance
all i talk about is dance when i get the chance
i listen to random songs
current favorite is "love mera hit hit"
porcupine tree is a damn good group.
i have grace and a good face.
i know it now
i walk like a penguin
i eat like a sparrow
i drive like a tortoise
i follow rules when i know there is a monetary fine
i beleive in breaking rules when there is no money involved
im pale white
i have clothes that if piled up can be as tall as a 2 floor building
i have shoes that can lead to the top floor of that building
too emotional
when drunk i arrange shoes.thats it...oh and also i dance on podiums, or bar tables.
i cook decent.
i dont give myself much credit
im not competitive
i roll my "r's"
i stop listening to ppl just like that
im a GSB and have ANTI-GSB views.
GSB is Gaud saraswat brahmin.if u dont know this ur NOT ignorant.ur smart.
i hate hypocrites
fiercly loyal
secretive
i want to be rich, politically correct, and down to earth all at the same time.
i believe in the impossible
my belief system is stronger than the pyramids together
im passive aggressive
most of the times i ty not to be like that
i change my mind most of the times, hence i committ very rarely
i use a lot of maybes, lets see, most probably
i m obssesed about me being fat...i dont do nething about it..i just stay obssesed
i write poetry.i believ its beautiful. u just need to be me to understand it.
im called an emo at times
i like brewed coffee. nescafe makes me sick
so does yogurt, banana, green peas and tomatoes
wendys, burger king...make my stomach hate me
i contemplate more than i sleep
i sleep 8-10 hours a day
people affect me
vice versa never happens
i make the best coffee, the best bhajjiyas and im stingy with compliments
i criticise. i dont take criticism well.
i cannot sit thru an entire movie. i forward it.or watch backwards
i love to read.i also read backwards, chapterwise i mean
when i listen to bollywood music..i replace the heroine most of the times.
actually all the time
im a dreamer
im sarcastic
im a drama queen
i belive im oscar material
i forget to call
i forget most things
mary rezk is my favorite person
asha pandya motivates me
they are both younger to me
my roomies are the best thing that has happened to me since 2008
i like all colors.even flourescent. but on other ppl.
i love my parents. i live for them.i would die for them
zehaan is me.im a narcissist
ringa ringa ringa
i appreciate natures beauty.not concrete miracles
i love food
i am attracted to nice guys. but they are weird or bad eventually
i have flat feet
i love my hair
when im mad.i bottle it.
burst bottles hurt ppl around it
i have no regrets as of now
i think dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge or kuch kuch hota hai will happen to me.
i get bored faster than the blink of my eye
i belive in zings
sex and the city is a good watch.so is tom and jerry
i would be good actress in all "woods"
i have fantastic expressions when i dance
or when m angry/happy/sarcastic/ecstatic/crappy
i bleed from inside
i hate typical girls
i cant tolerate them, boys shuldn either
independence means what it is suppossed to mean to me.
shahrukh is pretty hot for his age.gauri is not
obama makes me happy
INDIA makes me proud
MR. manmohan singh's resume scares me.
i hate scary movies.i watch them with my eyes covered
i talk nonsense.if u can make sense out of it ur a keeper.
freinds mean the world to me.
they hurt me the most...

to be continued....

Hindi muzik...what i like some of em!

2009-01-18T07:30:00.000-08:00

I was browsing the other day for some hindi bollywood music.Came across the site:
www.mastimag.com
Its pretty fine must say:)

Njoi!

Hogger zone Part II- A sequel

2009-01-18T06:34:00.000-08:00

Stuffed Potatoes:
Potatoes 6
Milk 2 tbsps
Onion Chopped
boiled corn 1/2 cup
Butter 2 tbsps
Salt
Pepper powder
White Sauce 1 cup
Tomato Sauce 2-3 tsps
Cheese 1/2 cup

Preperation:
Boil potatoes with skin. Cut the potatoes in to two equal parts.Scoop out the centres.Mash the scooped out pulp and mix with milk and keep aside. heat butter in a pan , add onion and saute.Add boiled corn and mux.Add this to the mashed potatoes and season with salt and pepper powder.Mix well.Stuff potato cups with this mixture. Next add tomato sauce to white sauce and mix well. Place the potato cups on a greased baking tray and pour 2 tsps of sauce on each potato cup.Sprinkle with grated cheese.Bake in preheated oven at 180 degrees celcius for 15 mins till the cheese turns golden.Serve.

Hogger Zone!

2009-01-18T06:26:00.000-08:00

Pasta and Corn in cheese and Tomato Sauce:
Bow shaped pasta 100 gms
cheese sauce 1 cup
baby corn 4-5
tomato sauce 3 tbsp
olive oil 4 tbsps
garlic 2-3 cloves
salt
pepper powder
Cheese sauce(Add 1 cup of cheese to White Sauce)
Preperation:
Boil pasta and drain it. put some olive oil to it so it does not stick.Slice baby corns. Make cheese sauce and add tomato sauce to it. heat 2 tbsps oil in a pan, add crushed garlic and saute for a few seconds. Add sliced baby corns and stir fry till cooked.Add boiled pasta and cheese tomato sauce and mix well.Season with salt and pepper.If wanted serve with garlic bread.

Some Indian Recipies

2009-01-18T04:35:00.000-08:00

Mushroom Masala:
250 gms mushrooms
1 onion finely chopped
1" ginger piece cut in to strips
6-8 garlic flakes
2 tomatoes
1 tsp oil
1/4 tsp red chilli powder, turmeric powder, garam masala powder,chat powder
salt
chopped coriander leaves

Preperation:
Heat oil in a pan and add chopped onion, garlic, ginger and saute it.Add choped tomato and all the above mentioned spices and stir. Now add chopped mushrooms and stri while adding water , if it becomes dry.Once musroms are cooked garnish with choped coriander.

Methi Chicken:
Marinade:
1 chicken cut in to pieces
1 cup curd
3 tbsp ginger,garlic and green chilli paste(ground together)
salt and red chilli powder

Gravy:
onions finely chopped
tomatoes finely chopped
2-3 green chillies finely chopped
1 tsp garam masala
salt,black pepper
1/2 tsp coriander powder
1 tsp turmeric, red chilli powder
2 tbsp dried fenugreek leaves
2 tbsp oil

Preperation:
Wash and cut chicken in to pieces. Mix all ingredients for the marinade.Add chicken pieces and refrigerate for about an hour.
Heat oil, add chopped onions and saute till golden brown. Add all spices and chopped tomatoes and stir. Then add chicken pieces and stir frequently. Finally add dried fenugreek leaves and stir.Allow to stand for a few minutes. Serve.

Pudina(mint) Fish:
1 whole fish
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp lemon juice
3 tbsp mint/coriander chutney
1 tsp butter

Preperation:
Clean the fish.Apply salt and lemon juice and keep aside to marinate for 15-20 mins.Apply mint/coriander chutney all over and stuff the cavity of the fish with the chutney.
Melt 1 tsp butter in a pan and place the whole stuffed fish in it. Serve hot with crisp salad and lemon wedges.

Souls eyes...

2009-01-18T02:36:00.000-08:00

Don’t look at me with those questioning eyes

U strip me off my souls dark disguise

I try to reach out to u

But the distance stands its way thru
I crawl in the darkness of my dreams

To find a light unseen

Ur shadow I follow

In your presence I wallow
My heart speaks a language

the head doesn’t follow

In a circle of happiness

This pain I swallow
I feel complete

Even when I lose u

But something deep inside

Knows its not true
Your mien captivates my mind

This feeling makes me blind

Ghosts of the past haunt me no more

Move on is my destiny’s uproar

This month is dedicated to tummy cravings, weight gain, or plain pleasure..:)Indulge!!I did...

2009-01-03T16:28:00.000-08:00

I decided to finally here my ma out...she wants me to learn to cook..or atleast pretend it...i agreed to the latter...now this months posts are all dedicated to recipies and cooking styles of my ever traditional yet versatile "taste in her hands" mother..and my sis who god knows and ofcourse we do too, cooks extremely well but with a leftover mess in the kitchen...!:)

Painful quarter of a full life..

2008-11-08T04:01:00.000-08:00

Where did I go wrong again
I believed , and I got pain
Even in a state of emptinessI thought of them..
My heart was lost…My mind on my past
The fear of it repeating
I went in to my shell
That stranger was a rebound
To silence the noises and the dreadful sound
The sound of insecurity, the sound of being left
The drops of blood were trying to quench my minds mess
How can I tell you what I feel
It’s a emotion.. verbalizing it is a deal
Sometimes I wish I shouldn have gotten so close
I convulted myself..unrightfully did the same to the people destiny chose.

A question to THINK about...

2008-10-07T23:59:00.000-07:00

When god made humans…wat was he thinking…or was he thinking at all?

A painting...

2008-10-02T03:51:00.000-07:00

Darkness lit across the sky,The moon whispered softly,
I walked on the stars…As my love shone brightly
Our eyes met that moment
He held my hands so strongly
A rush of blood in to my head
My knees just felt wobbly
I stood on a path of thorns
Watched dreams with eyes open
How wuld I have known
His true identity hadn’t spoken
A relationship we shared
No moment we spared
His presence lingered on my mind
Why o why!had I turned blind?
Time flew by
Seasons changed
Our love blossomed
In Hope and pain
A sudden storm sent a chill
This awakening gave a thrill
As I watched him walk out the door
The pain he left had turned sore
Teardrop from my eyes
Filled the sublime ocean
Alas!wat had happened
My heart had been broken
Shattered pieces I gathered with pride
I felt the fear of a dying bride
His enigmatic silence..His awkward lie…
Had he lost his mindOr was he just naive.

Finally an acceptance..

2008-09-05T09:28:00.000-07:00

How much should a person talk?how does a person who talks a lot realise that they r talking too much??I mean a person who talks too much will obviously think it is normal to talk as much as them ..!!Some believe tat when they talk wee bit too much they r being friendly....some just are trying to make the opposite party comfortable…some just talk cos tats the best they can do…and yeah I sometimes wonder wat category I belong to!!well its never concerned me as much..I talk a lot…period!!

Lament...

2008-09-03T07:43:00.000-07:00

I feel shatteredyet not completely broken
it feels like a nightmare
but im completely woken
as i feel the dagger rip my heart
i know no day is better than today for a fresh new start

Mess and Maturity..

2008-08-30T01:31:00.000-07:00

Somethings weird…I dunno wat…are relationships as complicated as they seem to be or is it just a mind game? Well my mind is in a poultry mess!!..I used tat as a figure of speech even though its not..u can undersatnd by tat description how messy my mind is right now!!and those who dunno wat poultry mess is ..trust me its messy,stinky and has poultry animals running around searchin for something all the time!I always find it difficult to talk to ppl who for some reason refrain/restrain themselves from talkin..im definitely gonna suck at being a cop!!It becomes awkward for me to get them to talk or pull details outta them…I mean come on..ur grown up enough..keep ur self in the other persons shoes and think for urself..see how uncomfortable it becomes…and then one thing leads to another..it all then becomes an entagled reel of an audio tape!!
Wat is immaturity? Expressing wat u feel and the other person doesn really understand/make sense out of it means ur immature?wat is the whole idea of expressing oneself fully to somebody then? Sometimes it is stupid but with matters of the heart isn’t it the best to let the person know wat u feel?hiding ur feelings , stopping oneself from screaming their gut out makes me sick!temper goes s high as the rockafellar center!!and then u struggle to maintain ur calm…by keeping ur mouth shut so tat u unnecessarily don’t hurt somebody elses feeling..and loose on relationships tat r hard to make but easier to break.Laughing out loud doesn really cover the silence tat is screaming out of my head sometimes!!life is a bitch..a good bitch actually..it teaches not to rely on ppl…cos again and again history repeats itself with a bang!

Ramblings!!!

2008-08-20T03:26:00.001-07:00

Why does it happen that every time u feel or believe tat u understand somebody you like and that you have finally reached out to the person tat everything just crumbles down and reality hits u so hard.. tat u realize ur exactly at the same spot where you had started years ago. Everything tat u think is simple gets just as complicated as it used to be. They say life gets better and simpler as you flow along with its surprises and sometimes predictabilities but this is not as true as it seems. You stand at the shore waiting for the ship to come,u see the light and you know its approaching but strong winds, and sea storms push it back away or sink it in….just like our lives..u see something uve been waiting for all ur life to come its way…and as it approaches u ..ur past either pushes it back to the same point or ur present becomes heavy enough just to take it down …Ironical twist of fate is no more just a phrase to me….well in a particular phase in my life I dint belive in fate which in itself is probably weird now..cos all my agony aunt advices were based on it now tat I think about it…hmmm…The art of handling wat life/fate/destiny..(not necessarily synonymous) throws at u comes with good practice…weighing a situation , reacting accordingly are things u learn as u walk every step of life carefully and sometimes carelessly.Follow the heart ,no follow the head…no listen to ur inner person talk and all tat bull crap confuses the hell out of me..practicality rules, but also does the resonating sound of wat ur heart is saying…its interesting how controlling the mind is so much easier than the heart especially considering tat the brain does so much overtime than the heart does I mean stuff like wat u need to eat,wat u need to read,wat u need to talk..brain functions it all..heart just pops around..when something needs to be messed up then…and tat will eventually fall in place!!…and the path of the heart leading to doomsday is experienced to be more than those who follow the head..Trust me eventually takes a lot a lot a lot of time..and just when u accept/belive alls well in heartsville…thud!there is a crackdown…everything just topples down in front of ur eyes like a pack of cards and phoosh u have to start all over again…déjà vu’s in life freak me out..cos they happen at every opportunity given!its like living the moment twice…and always an unwanted moment!Why do ppl shut themselves completely from things tat are good?sometimes I wonder if they give themselves a chance to listen to themselves…weird sentence..but wat the hell I understand it…shutting oneself from the world/ppl..helps..sometimes..but u need to choose the right ppl to not use this on..why do we close ourselves from ppl who love u a lot if not the most..why do we take everything tat comes to us easily for granted? Why is the worth of a person not understood when the person is rite there in front of ur eyes rather than wait for either one to drift away…for real or just physically(includes geographically)…

A friends language...closest to my heart:)

2008-08-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

The shadowthe ocean dosent seem so dee
pand the mountains dont seem so high
troubles seem to vanish
and i feel confident i can speak spanish

the stars seem brighter
and days seem longer
i am strongerwhen
she is happy

cold sky is veiled in clouds seems insignificant
The masses in the streets, the crowdsseem motionless, soundless, non existant
The beauty of nature, magnificient splendorpales in comparison to her
when she smiles
the birds in the trees can chirp their ass off
the sun shining bright in the velveteen skycan shine like a hundred lamps
but there is no fun all this while
when she dosent flash that
Dont deny me that pleasure
dont deny me that treasure
dont take away from me
that sweet something which i yearn to see
give me what i have waited for all this while
Your million dollar smile
outro and when you smile,smile like you mean it.
Cuz expletives bounce off your radiance
and an insult seems like just so many meaningless words
when you dont talke it personally...my favorite ally

The Reach...

2008-07-18T10:41:00.000-07:00

Don’t look at me with those questioning eyes
U strip me off my souls dark disguise
I try to reach out to u
But the distance stands its way thru
I crawl in the darkness of my dreams
To find a light unseen
Ur shadow I follow
In your presence I wallow
My heart speaks a language
the head doesn’t follow
In a circle of happiness
This pain I swallow
I feel complete
Even when I lose u
But something deep inside
Knows its not true
Your mien captivates my mind
This feeling makes me blind
Ghosts of the past haunt me no more
Move on is my destiny’s uproar

Rhyming thoughts...

2008-07-14T02:23:00.000-07:00

I need to find some place…
where there is no empty space…
a moment like an eon..
a memory to carry on..

The sound of sweet sighs
The silence of countless tries
As the crowd walks around
I try hard to be found

A step towards change
A second to engage
A lifetime passes by
As I close my souls eye

Then I wonder,
Am I drifting away
Pulled by the tides in to the sea
Trying to reach for the shore
As I wake up from my dream

Searching for an answer
My eyes start to wander
I see a light..
I run ,just to watch it
Escape my blurred sight

Sweet taste of tears
Drown my face with fears
Waking up to a new freedom
A new path a new reason

Still walking like an egyptian...

2008-07-10T23:04:00.000-07:00

A tour of Coptic and Islamic Cairo followed through the weeks of our stay in Egypt. From a Synagogue, couple of churches, St George’s holy shrine to the oldest and simplest “Ibn Toulon mosque” , to the highly embellished mosques of the later centuries, my amazement heightened as I admired Egypt’s history
from the Pharonic period to today, and its people for preserving this history with utmost effort so that this mesmerizing history could be shared with anyone who loved just watching centuries pass by!Alexandria, Marsa Matruh and Siwa were the places where I re-lived every moment amidst clean blue waters, soft sands and the yellow sun. In other words…The Sea, the sun and the sand! It was vacation time! Alexandria had in her a Citadel, a museum and one of the most fascinating libraries ever! Marsa Matruh on the other hand screamed vacation in bold! Singing to “I’m gonna Soak up the Sun” repeatedly ,taking a dip in to the Mediterranean sea , a swim with a jelly fish and a tan to flaunt my beach visit fulfilled my dreams of being in my hometown back in India, minus the jelly fish!Siwa was different! Just different! I had seen sand before but not a desert, I had seen lakes before but not the Oasis, I had seen sand boarding but not experienced ita short cool swim in “ Cleopatra’s well” for some and a fantastic dive in the Oasis for the rest got us all geared up to conquer the desert!
Cruising across the sands in the Land Cruiser, bouncing up and down, making cute yet noisy “weeeeeeeeeee---eeee” sounds just to get the feel of being on a roller coaster!!It was simply superb! The sand dunes, the sunset, the “sand devil”, so much so that I even ate some of the sand to prove my love towards the deserts!When I saw the mummy of Tutankhamen, I came out saying...that’s it I have seen it all...and there is nothing more I need to see in this life atleast...! But obviously I was wrong!! In between these trips I had the chance to pay my visits to the Egyptian museum where I saw huge statues, more sarcophaguses and more Mummies! I saw em all…I saw all the royal mummies. Hetshepsut...not obese anymore, King Ramses not young anymore, his hair had turned yellow thanks to the chemicals used to preserve him. The day clearly was for the dead and gone! The sarcophaguses seemed to narrate a story. The artistic/carved sarcophaguses seemed to be for the rich while the poor were placed in a weaved basket. Unsure of this detail , it still makes complete sense when I retrace the memory lane! Also the mummified crocodile that I saw seemed to be larger, much larger than the crocodiles we see today! Evolution ha?In this “Golden period” I lived thru a mix of cultures. The Egyptian, the American and the Indian! Having glass bottles thrown inches from our heads, being called an Indian first and then being corrected and called an Egyptian, being cat-called in a way that said “Welcome to Masr” was a brief introduction to the people of Egypt. I was scared, critical, over analytical and confused! That’s when I decided to note down “fi kull hagga taHt shams” (literally.” everything under the sun).The initial days went with me over splurging on everything I set my eyes upon, including food! I loved the food there..It was simple and spicy and above all affordable! I was addicted to their sweet “basbousa” to an extent that I had to have a piece everyday like a vitamin dose!
Being at the receiving end of cultures I had an interesting tryst with the American culture. How they react to the Egyptian and the Indian culture, their reasoning behind rationalization of events and above all their readiness to respect the culture not by its face value alone but because they understand its sensitivity and its impact on the individual. I had my doubts initially a zillion of them to be honest, about my acceptance in a group of Americans, but all went well. It’s very simple I guess, everyone’s different with the way they are brought up, but one thing that brings us all together are human emotions. I loved the days I spent with each one of my peers. I took home memories, I took home friends, along came the cultures and some of the trends!My satisfaction grew no bounds when I had the chance to work on two projects both completely different, but in their own ways targeting the same goal. The St Andrews organisation worked with tutoring refugees in conversational English, and sincere thanks to Cynthia I got an opportunity to be an active volunteer
for the last two weeks of my valuable time in Cairo. Helping them with their homework, just talking to them about anything they wanted or their experiences in Egypt as well as their home countries made me realise a simple truth about life…to be thankful and to have the strength and courage to overcome any
difficulties in life .The few times I had my rendezvous with them they exhibited determination, courage and the will to survive.Bus break downs...dint stop us from being creative...be it the Hollywood way or the Bollywood way! Sweat trickling down our foreheads...moist hands and the heat of the desert dint let the cameras shut away!!We had fun...in our own ways and sometimes in organised ways! Swirling dervishes were mind captivating…I only wish they could be captured on to our cameras!! I returned to Boston with splendid and beautiful henna on my hand and a scarab on my ankle! Dozens of gifts form khan-il-khalili over stuffed in my bags, a new pair of trendy jeans, and a smile that stretched from one ear to another accompanied me back home. I was sad to leave Egypt, but at the same time I was excited to be home. Even while I am writing this I miss those moments of candid talks, jokes and just hanging out with my new friends. I miss the authentic
falafel, shwarma and the mouth watering Mankousha.I miss Arabic music to which I could sing out loud and no one would think it was weird! I miss the fact that a bottle of Dasani was so darn cheap! All said is true, but I’m home now.To brief the whole trip up, to me it was a trip I would have probably never made on my own. I am genuinely thankful to all the goodness around me, because of which I got to experience century’s preserves, immerse in a new culture yet again, make new friends and acquaintances and above all learn a new language and a new cool script!

My trip to Egypt...

2008-07-08T06:38:00.000-07:00

WHile i was wondering what to write …struggling hard to gather my thoughts..Taxing my brains to pull back the memories in the chronological order of their existence in my life…and that’s when I realised..how my life in the last 44 days(April 30th-july 6) had taken unknown paths…paths from the presence of reality to those of the dead…from blocks of stones 5000 years ago..to concrete jungles of today…from cute little felucca rides to the jazz and the glamour of a cruise that sails across the Nile…which has been flowing gracefully through Egypt, watching it grow..watching it fall!Digging in to my bag trying to find the evidences to my memories and visits I stumbled across the entry tickets to the sites we visited. Hence m blogging this way..
First places and then people and the cultures I was immersed in to during the days that went like a lifetime.Leaving Boston was simply hard. My friends were here and I was a reluctant rather scared to leave them and go to a place completely alien. The excitement had started to die down, but when I saw the group of people I was travelling with and most importantly the known face of Dr Sullivan I knew I wasn’t alone. None
of us were. Sleeping through the flight wasn’t difficult! Cairo airport was interesting..and so was the warmth of the strong sun! We reached the hotel, walked around to get acquainted with the place(“Zamalek Island”), expressed genuine surprises at seeing places like cinnabon, pizza hut, hardee’s , Mc Donald’s and pulled our laptops out to do the one pending thing…change the city in “Facebook” to Cairo!!The Giza Pyramids: The sole purpose of my visit to Egypt…well of course later on I realised that there are places that bewitch you more than the ones you know…and that the more you explore the more you react and your reactions are so priceless that not alone the cameras capture it but also do people!. The pyramids were spectacular…they were huge and brown and did not fit in my cyber shot camera screen! Zoom in Zoom out…move back move front..all the hassle to get the 9 pyramids in my memory card! I did get them eventually one after the other…but the highlight of the journey to the pyramids was the camel ride…in all its glory and my bones! Abool-hol “The father of Terror” popularly known as “The Sphinx” looked majestic even without the nose! I had the pleasure and the privilege to see all the pyramids in this life! The bent pyramid, the step pyramid, the red pyramid…and the Great Pyramid! The dusty , old and moist smell of the Red pyramid…the steep down slope as we walked…the soft lights just illuminating our shadows…and a whole some workout finally brought us IN TO the pyramid where I experienced inexplicable and extreme emotions…from isolation to claustrophobia literally in the same breath! The Importance of life and oxygen suddenly fell in place! As the journey to the pyramids came to a tiring end, our travel continued to the Valley of the Kings and the breathtaking Philae Temple.Aswan and Luxor was humid, we were a band of 35 kids and places to visit were in multiples of 2!The valley of the kings was where I saw “A Mummy” for the first time ever and more over it was King Tut’s Mummy! King Tut was the youngest pharaoh who died at 19! In its presence I realised, I was there amidst a boy pharaoh, a ruler, an era, an age! King Tutankhamen’s mummy and the tombs of all the other kings was the POA for the Valley of the Kings. Moving on to see the “Obelisk”, Heptshepsut’s temple, Luxor temple , Aswan dam, Philae temple and a peaceful yet entertaining felucca ride on the Nile, the day ended with us
boarding the train to head back to Cairo, which was to be our home away from home..Shopping at Aswan/ Luxor sookh or at the Khan-il-Khalili pretty much decided our worth!!People were ready to offer 100-200 camels for each of us! The man who walked with us was considered so lucky that the shop persons were ready to give the guy all he wanted just in return of us! As interesting and flattering that was, for some reason it angered me because I questioned of course my self and not them “who are they to decide the worth of a woman or anybody for that matter??!Is this how everybody thinks? Is that the status of a respectful woman in the Egyptian/Arab world?”Dinner at Abduh and Hayams place was our getaway from the hectic life that we led in those 44 days in Cairo. The spread was awesome and so were our de-brief sessions. This was the occasion I actually found time to get all dolled up!Arabic Classes began with full gust and vigour and I learnt as much as I was taught and more! Language writing, conversations as well as cultural insights were the ingredients of our everyday classes. Lunch at the Cairo’s best Koshery (Egyptian traditional food) place with our teacher and our visit to her home were like our mini field trips!

From a freind..to another..

2008-02-14T23:49:00.000-08:00

If it dint matter,

I wouldn’t glance

If my heart dint shatter

I wouldn’t take the chance

You mean a lot and that you know

But im a human…my feelings show.

Strange city,strange evening

I see my life..it just goes rambling

I try not to hurt you..I try not to despair..

But my emotions express

More than I can repair…

Complex questions from me to ahem...me

2008-02-09T03:39:00.000-08:00

A new relationship a new path is what everyone belives.Why do ppl get in to relationshps?to tread waters?or because they want to believe that the person they like can show them the world thru their eyes..why is speech such a difficult thing..when we r blessed with the ability to talk why do we refrain from speaking our hearts out? Having a clear mind and a clean heart makes life simple..tats what I believd…but if the opposite person who u want shuld hear doesn want to then wat do u do?keep talking until the person hears? Or just give up?I guess that also depends on how important the person is to u…but wat if u think the person is not so important but somewhere deep inside their actions make a deep impact on u?does that mean the person is more imp than u think?are u fooling urself by saying things so that they don’t hurt u?the questions tear me apart…wat do I do?do I just watch as time flies by and so does the person?and embrace the feeling of helplessness and move on?complications are unnecessary…but if they do come how do u simplify them?

Incase everyone is wondering...my previous posts and maybe more to come are dedicated to crap and relationships...do not judge or jump to conclusions!!you might hurt urself:)

"Philosph"il

2008-02-05T22:45:00.000-08:00

Happiness is an illusion so is pain
There will never be an end to this chain
Live the moment experience its strain
Cos it is ur life, and on it u will reign

A simple life comes by choice
When someone takes a step forward rejoice
Many people will come and go
But with a certain few happiness will show

Break free from the chains of obligation
Dance ur way thru complication
Live ur life like never before
Express urself..let ur feelings show

Is there a beginning to this phase
Is there an end to this chase
Will there be a brighter tomorrow
Or is it just a delusion of sorrow.